I seem to recall that one of the reasons we so desperately needed to Double Secret Illegalize gay marriage in Texas was that if we didn't, we might someday wake up in a society of polygamists. Therefore, I trust that this report of fugitive polygamist cult leader Warren Jeffs being in Texas will bring people like Warren Chisum, Cathie Adams, and Kelly Shackleford back to their bully pulpits to bring pressure on Schleicher County Sheriff David Doran and Attorney General Greg Abbott to help find and catch him. If it's their fear that gay marriage might lead to polygamy, I shudder to think what having polygamists in our midst might lead to. Surely if one considers oneself a protector of traditional marriage, then one must realize that the likes of Warren Jeffs are exactly what it needs protection from. So any minute now, I expect to hear from them as they answer the call to once again stand up for one man and one woman. Any minute now, I just know it.