The Noose has the scoop:

PYONGYANG -- Following on the heels of last month's admission that his country had kidnapped Japanese nationals, and last week's extraordinary revelation that North Korea possessed a secret nuclear weapons program, leader Kim Jong Il disclosed on Monday that his nation was guilty of additional malfeasance.

"We sank the Lusitania," Mr. Kim admitted. "Also, we shot down Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper. We killed J.R. We stole Fizzy Lifting Drink."