Jesus says "Don't drive SUVs". Well, a coalition of environmentally-conscious religious leaders say that Jesus says not to drive SUVs. I swear, even on issues I agree with, it gets harder every day to distinguish the news from The Onion.
UPDATE: Scott knows the real answer:
I can safely say that Jesus would not drive an SUV. They are impractical for the Real Man, what with all the foofy electrical seat warmers, auto-opening doors and 6-disc CD changers. SUVs are great for women and posers, but the Real Man eschews them.
Jesus was a carpenter, and he was a Real Man, and he worked in a rural area. Therefore, Jesus would drive an F-150 pickup truck. Probably with 4WD and the trailer package in case he had to haul a lot of lumber to a remote construction site that Home Depot couldn't deliver to.
Now, he might have an old Ford Bronco with the Real Man 351 and vinyl replacement seat covers and lockable hubs for down-time fun.