April 01, 2003
Failure of imagination

I see that ol' Hootie Johnson might have a trump card to play in his ongoing battle with Martha Burk:

Though Augusta National has yet to meet the demands of Burk, who is the chair of the National Council of Women's Organizations, she already has declared victory. There is still a way for Johnson, the chairman of Augusta National, to turn the tables.

Invite a woman. On the club's terms. Not just any woman.

Anna Nicole Smith.

She's blonde. She's a bimbo. She's at home with rich old white guys. An invitation to her would put an exclamation point on the foolishness of the symbolic war that Burk has declared on Augusta National. Let's see Burk and her followers try to spin that into a victory.

That's very clever, and would certainly help to demonstrate the silliness of this whole episode, but anyone who can't see how this could be spun as a victory for Martha Burk is suffering from a severe failure of imagination. Allow me:

"The National Council of Women's Organizations would like to congratulate Hootie Johnson for finally recognizing that women have a place at Augusta National. We're still not sure why it took him so long, but we feel confident that now that he's seen the light it's only a matter of time before women are as well represented at Augusta National as they are in all other spheres of American society.

We would also like to applaud Hootie's inspired choice of Anna Nicole Smith as the first woman to be granted membership at Augusta National. We are hard pressed to think of anyone more suitable to join that august institution. Rarely can one find all of the qualities of a club so completely encapsulated in a single member. We wish Hootie and Anna Nicole all the best, and we hope that their relationship is as warm and cordial as Anna Nicole's relationship with her stepchildren is."

See? Easy as pie. Next!

Posted by Charles Kuffner on April 01, 2003 to Other sports | TrackBack

Nailed it in one!

Posted by: Ginger on April 1, 2003 1:28 PM

You can make your own joke about Hootie and Anna being a couple of boobs here.

Posted by: William Hughes on April 1, 2003 3:57 PM