Just say no

I swear, people find the silliest damn things to worry about.

In the centuries before party invitations were pinged across cyberspace, invitees did not feel compelled to explain in depth how a soiree conflicted with their Lamaze class, spa weekend or Ironman competition. Regrets were nonspecific platitudes. And the only people who heard them were the hosts.

No more.

Each month, more than 10 million invitations are sent through Evite.com, and a significant number of them encourage people to not only reply, but to also write a personal comment that can be viewed by everyone on the guest list.

Such transparency has transformed the once concise and private act of declining an invitation into a public performance.

Evite users say it is bloggerlike behavior born of an Internet age where nearly every electronic communication has a casual, sometimes boastful vibe.

And while some people simply refuse to respond to Evite invitations, countless others find themselves composing clever detailed responses that require so much effort, they end up R.S.V.-Peeved.

Just last week Carolyn Fitzpatrick, 32, a retired lawyer from Wollaston, Mass., spent 20 minutes drafting a "no" response to an Evite.

"Twenty precious minutes," said Ms. Fitzpatrick, the mother of a 3-month-old and a 2-year-old. "Do you have children? You don't understand what 20 minutes to yourself is."

So why bother?

"There's pressure," Ms. Fitzpatrick said. "You're on stage."

Um, no. You're responding to an invitation. Those 20 minutes you spent thinking about a clever way to say "no, thank you"? That wasn't pressure, it was your own silly anxiety.

Repeat after me: "So sorry we can't make it! Thanks for thinking of us. Have a great time!" See? Simple, polite, effective, and typable in 30 seconds. Read it, learn it, live it, and get over yourself.

Posted by Charles Kuffner on December 11, 2006 to Society and cultcha | TrackBack