Will the real Bikinis, TX please stand up?

My head hurts, too.

It’s a story confusing enough to make your head hurt.

The owner of Austin-based Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill announced last week that he’d purchased the Hill Country town of Bankersmith and planned to rename it Bikinis, Texas — but some nearby residents insist the tract Doug Guller acquired isn’t the “real” Bankersmith, and records from the Texas State Historical Association don’t seem to clear up the dispute.

[…]

Visitors to Guller’s property are greeted by a bright blue “Bankersmith, Tx.” sign painted high atop a house on the 1.6-acre site. There’s another, smaller Bankersmith sign over the front door. A rusty bus and a travel trailer are also on the lot, which is off Old San Antonio Road.

Guller wouldn’t disclose the seller or the sale price.

Rudy Klinksiek says Bankersmith is actually located on an adjacent piece of property his family has owned for generations. Klinksiek’s land surrounds Guller’s property on three sides, he said.

Both of the tracts are about 10 miles south of Fredericksburg and six miles southwest of Luckenbach.

Klinksiek, who lives in Austin, insists the property Guller bought is not part of Bankersmith.

“That’s totally bogus,” Klinksiek said. “I’ve told him I own the town. It’s technically outside the town. It’s not really far, but it is.”

Remember that episode of “M*A*S*H” where Hawkeye declared Rosie’s bar to be an independent republic? I think they fashioned a flag for it out of someone’s underwear, but the memories are a bit hazy after all these years. Anyway, that’s what all this is beginning to remind me of. Let’s cut to the chase here: Doug Guller bought a piece of land that he has announced will be called “Bikinis, TX”. There will be activities appropriate for that name and Guller’s line of business on that piece of land in the future. Why anyone cares at this point whether the piece of land he bought was originally the now-defunct town of Bankersmith or just some other piece of land nearby is rather a mystery to me. I think we can all move on with our lives now.

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