August 22, 2008
Self-deportation not a hit

Whoda thunk it?

In the weeks since Immigration and Customs Enforcement director Julie Myers revealed in a TV interview that officials were planning to offer a new "self-deportation" program, the story has been picked up by media outlets worldwide.

ICE paid for newspaper and radio ads in test cities, trying to entice the estimated 457,000 fugitive immigrants in the U.S. to turn themselves in with promises they could "avoid detention" and "manage your own return." Since the program's launch Aug. 5, Operation Scheduled Departure has attracted a half-dozen participants.

Yes, six.

Undeterred by the 0.0013 percent participation rate so far, ICE officials said they're holding out judgment on the program's fate until it ends Friday. The agency budgeted $50,000 for radio and print ads for the five-city program, which works out to about $8,333 per participant so far.

Nobody could have foreseen that nobody would want to do this to themselves. In completely unrelated news, the American Brain Surgery Association has decided to keep its Home Do-It-Yourself Lobotomy Kit on store shelves despite lackluster sales. "We think our upcoming ad blitz will turn things around," a spokesperson said. "We just need to give it some more time."

Posted by Charles Kuffner on August 22, 2008 to National news

Of course, the sole buyer for the Do It Yourself Lobotomy Kit has been Customs Enforcement, who claims that it has worked wonders in rejuvenating their Innovative Programs department.

Posted by: Ian on August 22, 2008 10:15 AM
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